MUST LOVE BABBIES (aka, are children automatically a feminist issue?)

So I should have realized by now that I need to stop reading certain feminist blogs because the comments sections devolve into extremist two-sides mud slinging and negativity no matter what the post. There's certain blogs that make me feel worse for reading them, and even some that I feel don't offer a whole lot of safe space for me for various reasons.

Therefore, I guess I had it coming when I read the comments section of a recent Feministe article called "On Hating Children." Because it turned into the Old West of ableism (disabled adults are the same as screaming children), subtle racism (inner city people like to beat their kids), and privilege (calling the kid that threw a Tonka truck at me in the mall a "brat" is bigoted), I'm going to mainly focus on bits and pieces of the article. From what I gathered, the main focus of the article was debating whether or not it was okay to say certain restaurants weren't for kids, tentatively leaning toward the side of it being okay. But one of the throwaway comments that the author didn't elaborate on too much was that saying you "hate kids" is a sexist statement.

Here's the part where the parents in the audience automatically discount everything I say: I don't have kids, and I certainly don't want to. But I don't hate kids. In fact, in their own space where they feel comfortable, kids are pretty cool. I regard kids the same way I do cats, train whistles, and my downstairs's neighbor's love of booty bass. (A) I like interacting with them in someone else's home because I can leave before my eyes start welling shut (B) outdoors, in neutral spaces, and in spaces dedicated solely to them, they're cool and I encourage them to go full steam. Even if they annoy me, that's my bad, and I'll either suck it up or leave. But (C) when they interrupt my nice dinner, my movie, my personal space, my bodily peace, places reserves specifically for adults/dog lovers and allergy clinics/ quiet meditation/ sleeping at 2 AM, that shit has to cease.

I really hate to go into libertarian territory, but I feel that the above mentioned situations go along with the old slogan "your rights end at the tip of my nose." I fully expect to hear train whistles at a train museum or when I lived next to the depot (yeah, that wasn't a great choice on my end); I'm going to get pissed when some jackass stands outside my bedroom window and blows a train whistle for 30 consecutive minutes. Therefore, it's fair game if your kid wants to act up at Bob Evan's, but not at Bloody Slasher's Revenge 2: Blood, Guts, and Boobies. And unlike the train whistle jackass, I can't tell your kid to shut up. That's stranger danger, or disciplining your kid for you, or a myriad of other things that get you screamed at by someone other than a four-year-old.

So that rant took a different turn, and I still haven't addressed the original sticky statement: that "hating" kids is sexist. That's something I can't get behind. I do agree that sexist actions can discriminate against children, such as workplaces passing up mothers for jobs or promotions, the brunt of domestic violence going to women and children, and "all inclusive" activist activities/conferences giving the cold shoulder/ not accommodating moms. But simply not enjoying children isn't a sexist act. In fact, I think that the implied other end of that statement - all feminists (ie women) should love being around children - is a lot more sexist of a statement.

Now caveat, Wench-readers: this is not aimed at all kids and all parents (yes, parents, because for all the "mombie" bullshit that gets thrown around - and yes, that is sexist that it's always moms - it's usually uptight dads that 9/10 of the time get on my nerves). This is a subsect of parents, maybe 15% at best, that are chock full of entitlement, classism, and white privilege that make the rest of you guys look bad. If you still think you're in that 15%, and that adult-only rules are the same as Jim Crow (honest to blog, I read that comment once), then let's make a deal. The first month that a family member, coworker, or complete fucking stranger doesn't walks up to me and ask WHEN (not if) I'm having a baby and looking in revolt or disbelief when I say I'm not, you're gold. I'll accept all your strawman arguments, ALL of them, and let your kid scream directly into my eardrum cart blanche for five hours on end. Deal?

Breaking the Oscar Glass Ceiling

I have a couple of posts lined up for this week about my weekend trip to Wheeling, but I definitely have to push those aside to talk about last night's Oscar show. Being both a film geek and an awards show junkie, the Oscars are my Super Bowl. In most situations, I'd have a nice, snarkly little recap of all the weird camera angles and WTF speak moments.

But a funny thing happened on the way to the Oscars this year, and Kathryn Bigalow became the first woman in the 82 years of the Academy to win Best Director and Best Picture. Only three other women had been nominated for the director category (Lina Wertmüller in '76, Jane Champion in '93, and Sophia Coppola in '03.) Less than 10% of the top 250 high-grossing films in the US are directed by women any given year, and while that means there's still a long way to go, last night was some pretty heavy progress.

I've mentioned this before here, but the statistics don't get much better in indieland. Without going into pity party territory, it can be tough when you're the only woman on your crew or your immediate peer group. People can take you less seriously, or the other extreme, you become "the" women voice in the scene. Either scenario isn't too pretty.

What pisses me off about Bigalow's Oscar win is some of the media coverage. I've heard/read three times today about how much of a shock that a women won who didn't direct a "woman's" movie. The Today show was basically falling over themselves with "OMG, a woman directed a WAR movie?!?!?" Granted, the Today Show isn't exactly a hotbed of journalistic integrity and professionalism, but still, you'd think that the program that launched several female journalists' careers would be a little less 1950s about it.

It's not exactly a ground-breaking thought that women write in all genres. And hey, maybe the reason that the bulk of the woman-directed top 250 grossing flicks are fluff is because producers and the media hammer it into everyone's heads that a lady will fail unless the project is Nora Ephronville. Now I dig some of Ephron's movies, but not every woman wants to tell that type of story. Women are into war, into horror, into porn, into every single niche style of filmmaking that exists. Ovaries don't override your ability to handle a camera and Final Cut.

I'm hoping that this win is going to open the big studios up a little more to the idea of a woman directing something other than boy-meets-girl or talking animal movies. I know the papers are going to declare this "The Year of the Woman!!!" just like when Diablo Cody got buzz for Juno. Here's hoping it's a little more substantial than that.

Validation for the "Girl Love" rant

Validation for the "Girl Love" rant

THIS. Sweet Baby Burger Flipping Jesus, THIS.

Though I only kind of offhandly mentioned it in the last post, the inspiration for that "Girl Love rant" was all the hate geared toward Diablo Cody and her new movie Jennifer's Body in the mainstream press and the feminist blogosphere. It seemed like a good portion of the reviews didn't even wait to see it before writing it off, or at the very least went into the picture with a very specific predetermined mindset. But this post over at GirlDrive debunks all the haters and takes on the biggest cliches their reviews share, which amounts to *gasp* an actual film review rather than recycled Focus on the Family tactics.

[side note: by actual film review, I'm not meaning "yay, it's positive!" I'm all for well-thought out criticisms of films or filmmaking styles - not filmmakers' personal lives and life choices, distinction! - and would be just as cool with a reviewer that didn't dig the movie. What wedges the stick up my ass are the reviews that start out "I don't even have to see the film to know that it's hack-eyed Hollywood tripe written by an ex-stripper who pretends to be subversive"... and boy howdy, are there a lot of them out there!]

At any rate, I'm going to do a proper writeup of the film soon. I was just super pumped to read this blog post. It always feels nice to have your thoughts validated by another person.

Girl Love 101: a Rant

Girl Love 101: a Rant

Today I want to talk about girl-love and the lack thereof on the internet. Now before you give me horrified looks and expect porno talk, let me explain. “Girl-love” is a philosophy developed in the Riot Grrrl scene in the 90s. The gist of it is that because it's so damn hard for women to get into fields like music and television, we shouldn't add to that difficulty by cutting down and criticizing women that have made it.

I don't mean to sound like a Pollyanna, but I am genuinely happy for anybody that reaches the level of success where they get paid for doing what they love, even if I don't particularly dig what they do. Take Taylor Swift, for instance. Her music doesn't exactly do anything for me, but I can't deny that it does for thousands of teenage girls across the country. Some of those girls might have never thought of picking up a guitar before seeing her do it, and I think that's worth something.

It's the impact of silly, throwaway entertainment, like “manufactured pop” or “fluff flicks” that can have a huge impact and inspire a new generation of entertainers and thinkers. A good example of this is Nichelle Nichols, Uhura on the original Star Trek. She didn't think her role on the show was terribly important, revolution, or empowering to women or minorities until Dr. Martin Luther King sat her down and basically said that her role on Star Trek changed the face of TV. Seeing someone that looks like you in pop culture for the first time in your life is a powerful thing: just ask Mae Jemison, the first African American woman in space, or Whoopie Goldberg, both of whom were inspired to do what they do by seeing Uhura on the Starship Enterprise.

I've been thinking about this concept a lot recently. It's hard enough being an independent filmmaker in a small “city,” but even harder when you're one of a few visible women in a small scene. I run into things that make me wish there was another lady filmmaker in Huntington so we could talk, rant, and make fun of things that my dude filmmaker friends, as much as I love them, wouldn't quite get because their life experiences are different. Even in the mainstream scene there aren't too many widely recognized women, so it just pisses me off when people rag on them. So many people hate on Diablo Cody for basically being Diablo Cody, not so much for any of the work she's produced (in fact, I've read a lot of people who didn't even see Jennifer's Body before deciding they hated it.) And when those people are women, who have been through the exact same discrediting of their works and lives from a mostly male critics circle... To be honest, sometimes it gets me down to the point where I don't want to make art anymore.

But it might be easy to misconstrue what I've just written. I'm not advocating blanket-loving every single thing a women creates; that's just as condescending as hating something just because a woman produced it. Taste is relative, and that's okay. To quote Thomas Jefferson, “the world don't turn to the beat of just one drum/ what might be right for you might not be right for some.” I'm also not saying to avoid calling people out on their bullshit just because they're women. I can think of a lot of women who needed called out because what they put out caused more harm than help (Sarah Palin and Anne Coulter immediately spring to mind). And no, I'm not some high-holy Mother Teresa of Girl Love; I get snarky too sometimes.

All I'm saying are a few simple things. (1) even if we don't dig their music/ art/ job, we should at least send out a little positivity to the ladies in male-dominated field for simply cracking that ceiling. (2) we shouldn't be so quick to snub our noses at certain entertainers, as we don't know who they might be inspiring. (3) Think of the impact your hate has, not just on the subject but on the readers as well.

Finally, I leave you with this thought: nobody ever built a statue of a critic. It's a lot easier to tear somebody down than to go out and do it yourself. Being in a public space and sharing what you've created with strangers is pretty damn hard, especially when you have to keep in mind that some of them are going to hate you before you open your mouth. So before you fire up that blog and hate on the latest lady-created movie/ album/ art, why don't you take those criticisms to heart and make something that you think is better?