Robert Pattinson Cousin Of Dracula

There are some things that really make me shake my head. This is one of them. I logged into my home page and this was the article in one of the headlines

Robert Pattinson and Dracula are distant relatives

Genealogists actually spent time researching his family tree to discover he was related VERY DISTANTLY to Vlad The Impaler.

I'm sure Vlad would be thrilled to know that this half-assed actor who plays a freaking sparkly vampire to make his millions is somewhat related.

He'd probably bite his neck and have done with it. You know how creatures of the night should act.

I really wish Robert would have done some major acting before this film, because I don't know that I could ever look at him and not think of him as Edward from the books that dislike almost as much as I dislike V. C. Andrews.

Oh and not to worry, Stephanie Meyer is related too. I'm pretty sure there's something incestuous about all of this!

Do people have anything better to do with their time?

I wonder if Tom Cruise is related as well, after all he played Lestat (albeit badly), but at least that was a REAL vampire and not any of that sparkly crap.

Moviegasm! ...and MovieUlcer (aka Fuck Kristen Stewart)

So for the first time in awhile, I'm excited for a slew of movies coming out soon, and I even have a backlog at this point! I still haven't seen Shutter Island, mostly because of the god-awful winter that seems to finally be on its death rattle. I'm also super pumped for Kick-Ass. There's also a couple of budget-busters like Iron Man 2 and Toy Story 3.

But on the flipside of that, there's also one movie I'm dreading, and that's the Runaways biopic. Like any good former punk rocker, I've had a shrine to Joan Jett since I was old enough to pick up a bass and shoplift nail polish. Goodness knows that I've set the bar pretty high on that role, so nobody would be perfect.

Nobody would be perfect, but you know who would be my absolute last choice? Kristen fucking Stewart. While I'm far from a fan of the series, I don't take the malevolent glee that some folks do in hating Twilight. It wouldn't be a blip on my radar, to be honest, if it weren't for her. But God help me if that women isn't like nails on a chalk board to me. Just thinking about her makes me grit my teeth (yes, even as I'm writing this sentence!)

Her laugh. Her walk. Her making fun of her own fans. Her "are they or aren't they" tabloid bullshit with Sparkly McDracula, which has to be the most boring whitebread speculated fake couple ever. Her way of trying to make terribly mundane things sound important in interviews (direct quote: "I do want to work on writing, because writing's a skill.") Throw in a few dumb-ass personal reasons, and the girl is my Kryptonite. I'll be watching a perfectly nice and mindless news entertainment show, and suddenly she'll show up and ruin it.

So fuck it if I wasn't almost in tears when I first found out she'd been picked for Joan Jett. A movie I was a little iffy about sudden became a nerve-racking yet necessary upcoming movie release that feels like a cross between an unpleasant family reunion and emergency dental surgery.

Trust me, I'm still going to watch that movie. But aslkjfkdlofsdf if I'm not going to stab some shit first.

(and yes, I did try to follow my own advice. About my only think to latch onto is that she might turn a new generation of girls onto Joan Jett, which Joan Jett could've done just fine on her own, but if that happens, then I'll tone my fury down from "stabbing shit" to "furious eye darts." )