If You Like Harry Potter & Hate Twilight

The whole "Mark Reads..." series has got to be one of the funniest and sometimes, most touching things I've ever read on the internet.

The wonderful series started on on Buzznet long ago with Twilight and chapter-by-chapter reviews whose criticisms of the book's bad writing and treatment of certain subjects was just as eye-opening as it was hilarious. Does the Twilight fad annoy the shit out of you? Do you loathe Stephenie Meyer? Then MarkReads.net is for you. What makes it most worth looking at, aside from Mark's fury at the whole series, is a closer analysis of the Twilight series - it outlines issues of racism and misogyny, among other things, and basically advocates them. That's right, kids. Not only is Twilight badly written trash with unlikeable characters and major plot holes, but it supports all the things we're spent decades as a country trying to combat. Not that we've fully succeeded, but still. Stephenie Meyer could certainly set us back.

But then came Mark Reads Harry Potter, wonderful for a myriad of different reasons. The criticisms are minimal - the fun here lies in watching someone who knows very little about the series read the whole thing for the first time, occasionally throwing in personal anecdotes that range from funny to moving. J. K. Rowling (unfortunately) isn't a perfect writer and he acknowledges that, but she's leagues better than Stephenie Meyer and he acknowledges that, too.

Take some time every day and read an entry or two. You won't regret it. Both are wonderful, whether you love or hate either series. I'd even recommend it to the crazy Twi-hards, so they understand just what the complaints against the series are.

Tubesday Top 3: Chat Roulette

Happy Tubesday! This edition focuses solely on Chat Roulette. For the uninitiated, Chat Roulette is a video chat site that connects you to a random person. As you can imagine, there is much wankery involved (some subset of Rule 34 is that everything on the internet eventually turns into porn). However, a few people are choosing to get creative with it.

Case study Merton. Inspired by Ben Folds' on-the-spot concert improvs, he set his laptop next to his piano and went to work (NSFW language):



There was much speculation as to who Merton really was, some even spreading the rumor it was Ben in disguise. Ben, not to be outdone on his own game, had to make his own version (NSFW language, as it's Ben Folds):



And full circle, Merton's newest video (once more, NSFW language):



Happy Tubesday, Wenches!

It's a small internet, after all

A lot of people operate under the assumption that everything thrown onto the internet happens in some sort of void. Usually this amounts to people being incredible asshats to each other and unleashing horrors that would get them arrested in real life. But it also creates a weird sort of dissonance when you release that there are real people in your audience.

I'm being vague, so let's get a little more example-y. So far in the past two months, I've seen that at least three of the bands or books I've reviewed on various sites have found those reviews and posted them on their own sites. Now, I realize that with Google and RSS feeds, it's pretty easy to be alerted every time your name is mentioned on the web. But that doesn't make me any less surprised that they found the reviews. Surprised, and flattered, and a little freaked out. It's a weird mix of emotions.

It's also weird when the tables turn and you find things about yourself on Google. I have the luck (or curse, depending on the situation) that my maiden name and my married name are the same as two semi-obscure celebrities, enough so that you have to tack on some extra words to actually find information on me. But when people can actually Google me, it's created some situations. Once an old roommate found a blog where I'd ranted about her roomie drama, and it started World War III. On a slightly less butthurt note, a few years ago I discovered that a half-assed paper I wrote my sophomore college year for a class on folklore about misheard lyrics had been posted on a couple academic sites as a reference and one "download a paper for $10" site.

So Wenches, have you ever had an interesting experience where the internet collided with your real life?

I Hate You Hating the New Facebook

I Hate You Hating the New Facebook

There's a time I dread every year, a time of great trepidation in Internetland: the roll out of this year's Facebook redesign. And unlike the 5 billion groups that pop up two days later, I don't hate the new designs. No, what I hate is constantly hearing how much everyone else hates it.

I get an average of two group/fanpage invites a day the first two weeks of the new Facebook roll out to the effect of "Thousands of children are homeless in Haiti, but the new Facebook is the worst tragedy of the year." And I promptly delete them. Why? Because - gasp! - usually I like the Facebook redesigns. When I don't, I suck it the fuck up and get used to it.

The thing I hate the most is the barrage of status updates bitching about the redesign. Most of these are folks under the age of 25 going "Waaaa I can't find ANYTHING!" The reason I hate this so much is because these are the exact same folks that say, "OMG, old people (read: anyone older than them, median age of old = 23+ I wish I were joking) don't know NEthing about the internet! LOL!"

Hey, bitching people! Pot calling the kettle black much? The first day your Facebook profile updates to the new design, they have a fucking tutorial that tells you exactly where everything moved or changed. Most of the changes are cosmetic and don't have a huge impact on your user experience, too. So either clam the fuck up or have a little sympathy when someone older than you (usually your parents, but also reserved for the nameless faceless Olde People) doesn't immediately know how to upload photos on their computer or use Twitter.

Caveat: This is mostly reserved for youngins and mombies who live on Facebook. If you have a for really realz job or actual grownup responsibilities, you get a free pass because, God forbid, you don't log onto Facebook every 12 seconds.

PS Rant-within-a-rant: Hey, same group of people that clogs up my newsfeed with this bullshit? STOP MAKING ME FEEL OLD. Seriously, one of you saw the Phantom Menace when you were in SECOND GRADE. There is a very appropriate Garth Brooks song title I could wax poetic about if I didn't want to stab everyone of you in the eye socket right now.

Tubesday Top 3: Weird Stuff edition

Tubesday Top 3: Weird Stuff edition

Happy Tubesday! This week's theme is the ever ambiguous "weird stuff." First up, a video that combines three of my favorite things: birds, installment art, and Rock & Roll. Check out the zebra finch at 0:40, who's either trying to make a nest or a whammy bar.



Next up may be the creepiest children's show I've seen. And I scour the internet specifically for awful children's shows. Between the bad production values, the Rasta Rooster, and the super awkward host, this amounts to one heap of weird.



Our last video turns up on the endangered species list of dark yet funny SNL sketches. John Hamm of Mad Men and Michael Buble make a commercial for a pork and champagne restaurant called Hamm & Buble. Then things get weird. Never knew that Michael Buble was such a funny dude.



Happy Tubesday!

Tubesday Top 3

Tubesday Top 3

Back from the dead, it's TUBESDAY TOP THREE! I realized yesterday whilest on the 'Tube that I hadn't posted one of these since early November. So to get back in the swing of things, here are three random music videos that I dig.

Happy Tubesday!

Tubesday Top 3: Things that make me laugh

Tubesday Top 3: Things that make me laugh

Happy belated Tubesday! This week's theme is not so difficult: videos that make me laugh... and, with some luck, you too.

The first puts me in a good mood any time Ifeeling bad. Nothing is inherently funny about the song Carmina Burana (unless you've seen several horror movie trailers in a row), but this montage of pictures representing the song's misheard lyrics is liquid gold.



What else do I find funny? Bad horror movies. One of the other Wenches reminded me of The happening a few days ago, which reminded me of this scene. I'm not sure which is funnier, the Monty Python-esque suicide or random bar lady's deadpan line shortly after.



Finally, a new video/ meme in which the filmmaker's friend describes the plot of the Star Wars trilogy despite never watching a full movie.

Not quite Tubesday

Not quite Tubesday...

...okay, so I've been slacking off. As a peace offering, here is the most awesome video I've discovered this week. I can honestly say it's the best cover of the Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme played by a cello that I've ever heard.



See you next Tubesday!

My Favorite Websites

My Favorite Websites

There are several places that I frequent on a daily basis.

1. I Can Has Cheezburger: Who can resist those sweet and silly LOLCats or for that matter I Has A Hot Dog. I can't begin to tell you how much happiness these websites have brought to me. Heck there's even a Celebrity LOL site. This is my new favorite pic



2. Eharlequin.com: Yes, my friends, that is the Harlequin website. But its more than just a place to buy cheesy and sometimes very smutty romance novels. Its also a place to blog and connect with authors and review books. I visit the site many times a day.

3. Hungry Girl: I have a love and hate relationship with this lady. I love some of the tips and hints she gives for healthy eating but I flipping hate everything revolving around Splenda, Egg Beaters and Boca Burgers. I like all in moderation but I'd love to see her healthify something without using one or all three of those ingredients.

4. Facebook: What can I say, I'm a game junkie on that website. I openly admit it. I enjoy building restaurants, farms and amusement parks on my little space on the web. Its an addiction, I tell you.

Tubesday Top 3: Music Video Edition

Tubesday Top 3: Music Video Edition

Happy Tubesday! This week there's a little change in format, as I had to go to another video site to escape YouTube's militant music policing and bring you some of my favorite music videos of all time. Remember those? The mini-movies that used to promote bands before ringtones were invented? (or at least, when ringtones were MIDIs of "Flight of the Bumblebees") In fond memory of those times, when even the "super too-cool-for-you" kids could find something they liked on M2, here are some of my faves.

First up is one of my favorite bands since my be-pimpled middle school years, Squirrel Nut Zippers. I finally got to see them in concert last night, and it reminded me of this video. Horn section plus morbid humor, and wait, is that a cameo at the very end of a certain Bandit idol?

Suits Are Picking Up The Bill @ Yahoo! Video

Number Two is another of my faves since forever, Harvey Danger. I remember thinking this video was soooo cooool because it had a rave, before I got out of my small town and found out that raves are a bunch of hopped-up hipsters sucking face to bad music.

Flagpole Sitta @ Yahoo! Video

And you didn't think I'd end this without mentioning Ben Folds, did you? Of course not! To be honest, most of Ben Folds Five's videos were.... what's a nice way to put this? Clusterfucky. They didn't really match the tone of the song (see "Underground") or were kind of hackeyed (see "Brick"). Other than "Kate" (which is fun only if you're into BF5 slash), this is the only video of theirs I really like. But boy does this one work.

Army @ Yahoo! Video

Enjoy! Happy...erm... Yahoobesday!

All the RAGE

All the RAGE

My roommate came back from work the other afternoon, having spent most of her time on Facebook, talking about the ads along the side of the page and how they were telling her to lose weight before her wedding. As a joke, I checked out what ads appear on my page, just to see how ridiculous they were, and lo and behold, one sucked me right in.

"Like Eddie Izzard?" it said. "Yes, yes I do!" I said. And I clicked. I have become a mindless slave to the internet.

What it directed me to was Rage, the first film to be distributed over mobile phones. Why phones? Because it ties in with the plot - a college student is interviewing people behind-the-scenes at a New York fashion show and filming the interviews on his phone. It's also available online. I was intrigued. I started with a clip of Eddie Izzard's part, since that's what got my attention in the first place, and ended up fascinated and in love.

The film is released in episode format, going day-by-day through the fashion show, ultimately spanning a week with a new episodes released Mondays and Thursdays averaging about 20 minutes long. While typically, in film, you watch everything happen, with Rage, all you know is what you are literally told by the characters in the interviews, and what's hinted at by the unseen student filming, Michelangelo. You get a sense of what he thinks of everything based on the typing in the very beginning of each episode - for example, the first one starts with "I meet some important people," but he erases "important" and just says "people." But you never see him, or hear him. You can tell he's asking questions and you can tell what they are based on the answers, but that's it. It's almost as if you are Michelangelo.

You're essentially watching fictional interviews with everyone from models to designers to the guy who delivers the pizza. It doesn't sound horribly intriguing, but it is. The characters and plot are well-developed enough to keep it interesting. The actual story itself isn't new, but the way it's told is different.

Admittedly, most of the first part is boring. It's mostly exposition. You meet people, hear the basics of what's going on, and get an idea of what the characters are like. Part two is where things get interesting, with the sudden death of a model and the way the characters react to it, the feeling of despair and chaos in the moments after, even though we never actually see the death or even meet the model herself. Not to mention the fact that things start to get shady when PR - of course - tries to instruct Michelangelo on who he can and can't talk to, and makes sure the interviews are to be used to a college project only.

The cast is pretty impressive, with a combination of some pretty famous faces mixed with others that aren't as well-known, and all of them do an excellent job. The most interesting one, at least so far, is easily Jude Law as the model Minx. Jude Law, basically in drag, and he looks beautiful. Other stars include Diane Wiest as a manager, Steve Buscemi as a photographer, Judi Dench as a writer/critic, Eddie Izzard as a mogul, and John Leguizamo as his body guard. Most of them aren't introduced until part two.

I'm anxious to see how everything pans out. I'm very intrigued. I definitely recommend checking it out when you have a chance here, especially if you have a spare 20 minutes or are looking for something new. Episodes 1 and 2 are up now. Three should be coming Monday. The site also features a trailer, and clips of some of the characters.

Tubesday Top 3: Trailer Remixes

Ah, trailer remixes. The phenomenon of 2006 where a little editing magic could turn your favorite chick flick into a zombie flick and your favorite comedy into a psychological thriller. My first pick is the video that started the trend: Shining. With a few tight edits and a well placed Paul Simon song, the Shining becomes a family friendly rom-com.



Second is my favorite out of the slew of Brokeback Mountain parodies that cropped up shortly after the film was released. That familiar twangy string score was an easy punchline, but only one video dared to see the homoerotic undercurrents in MY favorite cowboy movie: Brokeback to the Future.



Finally, more of a mashup than a remix that works eerily well: High School Musical with the Dark Knight's trailer audio


Happy Tubesday!

Validation for the "Girl Love" rant

Validation for the "Girl Love" rant

THIS. Sweet Baby Burger Flipping Jesus, THIS.

Though I only kind of offhandly mentioned it in the last post, the inspiration for that "Girl Love rant" was all the hate geared toward Diablo Cody and her new movie Jennifer's Body in the mainstream press and the feminist blogosphere. It seemed like a good portion of the reviews didn't even wait to see it before writing it off, or at the very least went into the picture with a very specific predetermined mindset. But this post over at GirlDrive debunks all the haters and takes on the biggest cliches their reviews share, which amounts to *gasp* an actual film review rather than recycled Focus on the Family tactics.

[side note: by actual film review, I'm not meaning "yay, it's positive!" I'm all for well-thought out criticisms of films or filmmaking styles - not filmmakers' personal lives and life choices, distinction! - and would be just as cool with a reviewer that didn't dig the movie. What wedges the stick up my ass are the reviews that start out "I don't even have to see the film to know that it's hack-eyed Hollywood tripe written by an ex-stripper who pretends to be subversive"... and boy howdy, are there a lot of them out there!]

At any rate, I'm going to do a proper writeup of the film soon. I was just super pumped to read this blog post. It always feels nice to have your thoughts validated by another person.

Blog roll!

Blog Roll!

Today's post highlights the blogs I read on a regular basis (other than this one, of course)

Feministing and Feministe take on news stories and pop culture with a feminist edge. I like both blogs because they have a team of bloggers which give you different perspectives, sometimes on the same story (contrary to popular belief, there's not just one monolithic scary no-fun feminazi philosophy).

Spectrum Beach is a blog I found via Feministe, written by a single mom raising a grade schooler and a seventh grader with autism. The unbelievable amount of bs she has to go through with her son's school system is frustrating, but it's also inspirational to find someone that dedicated to her kid. Doesn't hurt that it's injected with heavy doses of wit.

Not Always Right is my crack. I've worked some form of customer service a good chunk of my life, so I can relate to the stories of crazy, weird, and horrible customers. For the rest of the world, read this blog daily and learn how not to act. (Here's one of my favorite stories from the site to give you an example.)

Neatorama is what would happen if my brain was constantly rss'd. It seeks out the neatest things on the web, from quirky news stories to cool new products. Most of it defies category, like a Super Mario manicure.

Enjoy! If you have a cool blog you think I'd dig, then post a link in the comments.