Movie Review: Inkheart

I bought Inkheart at Five Below several weeks back, because I love Brendan Fraser and I've wanted to see this movie since it came out in 2009.

I had heard bad things about it but I was prepared to enjoy the eye candy and nothing else.

After watching, I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised in the film, and I really want to read the trilogy. I've heard the film doesn't do the book justice, but if you've not read Inkheart, then give the movie a go. It really is a nice fantasy piece revolving around a family of book lovers.

Brendan Fraser was a great Mort, who could read characters out of books...we later learn his daughter, Meggie shares the ability...they both are "Silvertongues."

Helen Mirren as Elinor is another fabulous character. She's an obsessive old bookworm.

My favorite character is Dustfinger (Paul Bettany), a character from Inkheart that Mort had read out of the book, who was trying to get back into the book.

I really loved the concept and the filmography was stunning especially towards the end when the darker characters from the book appear. The Shadow is really amazing looking. I also loved how Meg read out Toto from The Wizard Of Oz.

If you haven't read the book and you are looking for a good family film. It deserves far more credit than it received. Oh and Brendan and Paul are really easy on the eyes!

TV Movie Review: The Lost Valentine

Betty White and Jennifer Love Hewitt lit up the small screen last night in the made for tv movie, The Lost Valentine, based on the novel by James Michael Pratt.

The story recounts the love story of Caroline Thomas whose husband of only a year was MIA in the Pacific. Every year, she returns to Union Station in hopes that her husband Neil will return.

It is through the intervention of Susan Allison, played by Love Hewitt, that Caroline receives closure. 60 years is a long time to wait for information about someone you love.

This movie was done beautifully and like so many Hallmark movies, it won't leave you with dry eyes.  Caroline's story is so heartbreaking, it would be impossible not to cry, especially as the Western Union man arrives at her porch.

Their love story is told through flashbacks., but that isn't the only love story going on here. Susan is falling for Caroline's grandson.

The movie could have been sickeningly sweet, but it wasn't. White, who usually plays comic roles, plays Caroline so well, that she deserves and Emmy for this. Love Hewitt was likable, though at times, she was a bit annoying, but that comes from trying to condense multiple relationships into 2 hours, while trying to keep the focus on Thomas.

Hallmark really did well with this one. It isn't the stellar film that Sarah Plain and Tall was, but it will likely go down as a fan favorite. Now I have to find the book.

Movie Review: How Do You Know

Movie: How Do You Know
Release Date: December 17, 2010
Synopsis: Lisa's athletic ability is the defining passion of her life, having been her focus since early childhood. When she is cut from her team, everything she has ever known is suddenly taken from her. George is a straight-arrow businessman who is accused of a financial crime, even though he's done nothing wrong. Although he may be headed to jail, George's honesty, integrity, and unceasing optimism may be his only path to keeping his sanity. George and Lisa meet on the worst day of each of their lives: she has just been cut, and he has just been served. When everything else seems to be falling apart, they will discover what it means to have something wonderful happen.

Review: This movie should have been so much better than it was. Every actor in it should have made it so, yet though the film was cute, it wasn't nearly as fun or cute as it should have been. I think the problem lies within the love triangle that the writer created.

Why?

For all intents and purposes, you should want to hate Matty. He's got a big ego. He's not totally ready to commit. He's a whole lot of other things. But there is one thing that Matty is....ADORABLE.

Even the viewers really can't make up their mind which guy Reese's Lisa should end up with in the end, and that's what brings this movie down. Well that and the unbelievable scenario created between father and son in the business world.

Oh and why was Jack Nicholson channeling Lewis Black in this film? Too weird.

Paul Rudd was beyond adorable as George. Too nice and gorgeous. The kind of guy every girl wants to date. Which makes you wonder why Lisa took so long to realize she had feelings for him.

So sure, this movie was cheesy...and not really worth the price of a movie ticket at full price, but for a matinee or dollar theater showing, it is worth the 2 hours, mostly for the cuteness of the cast.

Rating: 3 stars

Movie Review: Call Me Mrs. Miracle

Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without the sweet romantic, tug-at-your-heartstrings-chick-films on Hallmark.

Last year, Doris Roberts, took on the character of Mrs Miracle from the book of the same name by Debbie Macomber.

This year she reprised the role for the sequel, also a book. The book and the movie are almost two different things, but they do keep the general theme of the story, though I'm not sure why they felt that they had to change the original story for the film. But it doesn't matter, it worked.

The film was precious and will tug at your heart...and your tearducts. Holly is taking care of her nephew, because her brother was deployed...not sure which place Gabe's dad was, they didn't say, and she's trying to do her best to be a good aunt/makeshift mom.

Gabe is adorable. A sweet 10 year old, who is missing his dad, played by Quinn Lord. I hope we see this kid in something else. He's wonderful.

Then there are the Finley's Jake and his dad. Jake is played by Eric Johnson, and he's definitely reason enough for women to watch. He's gorgeous! Jewel Staite plays Holly and she's just adorable! Eye candy for the guys without being too slutty.

One of the best characters in the movie is her boss, Lindy Lowe, played by Lauren Holly. She's a fashion designer who opens her mouth and totally inappropriate things come out. She's obnoxious but in a lovable way.

This was the perfect Saturday Night, cuddle up on the couch movie. Any fan of Debbie's books will love it.  It has real people with real problems and a bit of a fairy tale twist. I'm so glad Mrs. Miracle has made a return both to print and the small screen.

I just wish she's show up again, but with 3 other characters that Debbie wrote about ages ago, the angels, Shirley, Goodness and Mercy.

This wench gives the movie two thumbs up!!

Movie Review: Nanny McPhee & The Big Bang

The sequel to Nanny McPhee will be out in the US as Nanny McPhee Return towards the end of the month, but people in Europe have already been able to see this fun family film starring Emma Thompson as Nanny McPhee & The Big Bang.

This time the story takes place during World War II in Britain. Isabella is trying to save her husband's farm while he is away at war, but she's got a lot on her plate, a gambling brother-in-law who is trying to get her to sell the farm to pay his gambling debts and two sets of children, her three and the two city cousins coming to stay at the farm to be safe while the war is on.


Like the first film, the children need to learn five things before Nanny is done with her work. With a tap of her cane, magic happens and behaviors change for the better and by the end they all come to love the ugly Nanny who has to leave.

Emma Thompson's Nanny is one of my favorite characters. She's just so sweet, much like Mary Poppins only without "the spoonful of sugar."

The children in this story are all adorable, even the rich city kids that start out bratty.

Sure there's a lot of cliches in this film, but it is really good entertainment for the family. Well worth seeing once or twice

Movie Review: Despicable Me

If you are thinking that Despicable Me is just another 3-D animated film that you can live without seeing, think again.

This is one of the first animated film that really makes you feel good the whole way through. There's no guilty feelings attached, or at least not a whole mess of guilty feelings.

Sure Gru's mom doesn't quite show him the love he deserves. (That's the only bit of sad feelings you have in the movie) Gru incidentally is played by Steve Carell.


Gru is trying to be one of the greatest evil people on the planet, but things just don't seem to be going his way. There's a new evil dude in town, "Vector" who has managed to steal a pyramid and replace it with an inflatable replica!
This gets Gru going. He assembles his minions, which really are too cute to be minions, to help me steal the moon. However Vector's father is president of the Bank of Evil and cuts Gru off and he has to find funding for his evil-doings on his own.

And that's where the three orphans come in. These girls first come to Gru's door to sell cookies and he sees them selling cookies to Vector and the light bulb goes off. He adopts the girls, but doesn't expect to find himself coming to love them. Though a series of ups and downs Gru ends up not being such a despicable guy after all. But I won't tell you how that happens, that would spoil things for you. You just have to go to the movies and see this one. It is well worth the $8.00 to see.

One from the Vaults: Marmaduke

Yesterday the Duke was loosened upon the earth as scores of eager fans lined up to plunk down two hours worth of minimum wage pay for their own personal In-Duke-Pendence Day.

Honestly? Any conventional review I'm going to give will do a huge disservice to both the movie and the loyal readers (or service, depending on how you look at things). You already know the plot: a big talking dog learns life lessons with lots of fart jokes and sight gags that its target audience is too young to understand. (I mean, seriously, did the screenwriters at least consider that the underagers were in diapers at best when the OC was airing?)

Instead, I've decided to create a highlights reel of all the WTF moments your accurate plot guessing will leave out:

• dogs on hallucinogens!
• Marmaduke rollin' in a Mini Cooper listening to Tupac!
• George Lopez as a side kick in his second batshit weird movie about talking dogs in two years!
• shade tippin'!
• William H. Macy doing his best to pretend he's in another Mamet production, weird speech pattern and all!
• A very vigilant dog catcher who's willing to go into a large thicket of bushes near a train yard close to midnight in the pouring rain!
• a dog jumps from a shed into a pool shouting "I AM A GOLDEN DOG!!!"
• a flashback to presumably the 1950s when the Duke was a puppy!
• CGI dog dance sequence!
• Racism in the guise of adorable dogs!
• "A classic OC-style rager!"
• A toddler that appears and disappears at convenient plot intervals!
• Surfing dogs! Cowa-doga!

There are many more highlights, but at this point the muscle relaxants are wearing off, so I can't remember them. And really, I couldn't make a better summary than IMDB user turok818, who states it so succinctly: "amazing movie, haters kill yourself."

PS remember in that last post, when I asked what audience the Marmaduke branding would attract that wouldn't have already been attracted by a talking dog picture? Old people, that's who. The theater was about 1/4 people without children over the age of 65.

Movie review: The Notorious Betty Page (2005)

Trigger warning: review may have triggering sexual language.

I debated whether or not to make this a "One from the Vaults" column and decided against it. Despite being about 50s pinup and bondage queen Betty Page, it's a pretty un-exploity (and pretty standard) IFC-worthy biopic. It's a great story shot with stunning cinematography and vintage editing tricks.

The movie starts with Bettie growing up in rural Tennessee right outside of Nashville. She's constantly catching the eye of the guys in her town and ends up marrying a high school classmate before he ships off for WWII. After a series of pretty terrible events (including childhood abuse and a gut-wrenching rape scene), she goes to New York to be an actress.

She meets a photographer/cop on the beach and quickly becomes a successful pin-up model. Her stint in camera clubs (1950s dudes with cameras that use some jargon that allows them to take nudie photos without getting arrested) brings her to Irving Klaw, who reinvents Bettie as a bondage model and skyrockets her career. She has a good rein as the Pinup Queen of America before it all crashes down, forcing Bettie to reinvent herself again.

I love love love two things about this movie. (1) it was written, directed, and produced by women (2) they used some great cinematography tricks to make it look like a movie from that era: John Ford-style scene fades, crisp black and white, 8 mm camera grain, and vivid Technicolor when Bettie goes to Miami.

I also liked the messages of the film. One of the themes that popped up was unexpectedly about spirituality; Bettie firmly believed that you shouldn't let anyone else define your beliefs and that you can still validly call yourself Christian when other people condemn you for what you do/ who you are. (Bettie Page's thoughts on God are pretty interesting, from what little bits I've read)

Another message that dovetails into that is Bettie was never regretful about her pictures and seemed to see it as a way of giving back. She kept hammering in the point that the people who were into the not-so-vanilla pictures of her were "nice guys," a contrast to the extreme sexual violence she experienced growing up. It presents an interesting debate about what the public at the time (and hell, even now) considers "good urges" vs "bad urges."

Honestly, this would be a hard movie to blanket recommend. Like I tagged the review earlier, the film has some material that could definitely be triggering. It's also hard to recommend to just anybody based on the subject matter alone (ie, I'm not going to tell your grandma to watch a biopic that has nudity and riding crops).

But that aside? If you're interested in Bettie Page, about pop culture or censorship in the 1950s, or are even just looking for an interesting movie based on real life, I not only urge you to rent it, I say buy it. Just like how Ms. Pinup described her own career, it's a lot more fun than sitting in an office for eight hours.

Final Verdict: 9/10

buy The Notorious Bettie Page on Amazon

Movie review: Hot Tub Time Machine

Goodness knows I love a good time travel movie more than the average person. Time travel is in my top ten list of uncategorized Totally Awesome Things. But truth be told, I didn't have high hopes for this movie based on the trailer. My husband had been pumped for weeks, but I was going into the theater with pretty low expectations. Maybe because of that, I had a great time with Hot Tub Time Machine.

Much like 2006's Snakes on a Plane, the title pretty much sums up the plot. Adam (John Cussack), his friend Nick (Craig Robinson), and his nephew take their mutual loveable asshole friend Lou (Daily Show's Rob Corddry) to the ski lodge where they ruled as teenagers after Lou's questionable suicide attempt. The ski lodge has went downhill since the guys last stayed there, and they're ready to call the weekend a waste when they get drunk in a magical hot tub that transports them to the 80s.

It's the little details that make this movie great. All the 80s place-settings, from the fashion to the Rambo-obsessed too-Aryan-for-comfort ski patrol jerk, were spot-on. The minor characters were great, too. Crispin Glover rocked as the soon-to-be one-armed bell hop, and Chevy Chase was perfect for the hot tub repairman celestial guide.

Some of the humor I don't dig that made me worry about the movie initially were there, but the frat boy jokes, gross out sight gags, and icky sex humor (not to be confused with "funny sex humor", which is something I can go for) were sparse enough for me to give the movie a pass. Most of the movie's humor was goofy, lighthearted fun, like Nick pulling a Marty McFly with his old band that was even better than Back to the Future's. And honestly? Even the type of humor I usually hate was 70% funny in this movie. Normally puking on woodland creatures is where I'd tune out, but it delivered a hilarious surprise gag in the middle of the flick.

If you're a pop culture junkie like me and had reservations about the movie, give it a shot. I could see it being a polarizing experience, but chances are you might be delightfully surprised. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say this is going to be a DVD purchase in the Bandit household in a few months.

Final Verdict: 7/10

Movie Review: Alice In Wonderland

Well, Tim Burton has done it again! He's created a movie that wows the senses with color and creepyness. He also assembles an awesome cast.

There was really no way that I couldn't like this film. It has everything in it that I adore in movies: Johnny Depp, Tim Burton directing, Danny Elfman doing the score, and some pretty awesome visual effects.

But I really can't stop raving about the cast, even Anne Hathaway as the White Queen came across beautifully. I certainly have my favorites in the cast, Depp's Hatter, was delightfully mad and Matt Lucas, of Little Britain fame, as Tweedledee and Tweedledum, couldn't be any better, but most impressive is Mia Wasikowska as Alice. She was far from what I expected Alice to be, but as Alice is being portrayed as much older than she was in either of Lewis Carroll's books, she is more than suitable.

I can usually find something to nitpick in any film, but with this one I'm hard pressed to do so. I wasn't a fan of the books, so I can't be a judge of how well the film interprets the stories. My one bone of contention with Burton is his use of his women in his films, but Helena Bonham Carter was so brilliantly evil as the Red Queen that I couldn't find fault with her.

This was one movie that was worth seeing at full price in the theaters, and I have to say, when it makes it to the Maxi-Saver I may just go see it again.

Movie Review: Serenity

I didn't jump on the bandwagon with Joss Whedon's Firefly until now, basically because I fell in love with Nathan Fillion's Castle. My nephew finished watching that series so we were finally allowed to watch Serenity last night.

I think Joss Whedon must be good friends with Russell T. Davies because the way I felt when the film ended was much like how I feel at every Doctor Who finale, but it did seem to give the whole story closure, so at least in that respect Josh isn't a sadistic bastard.

The movie blended comedy with sometimes serious and managed to not end up ridiculous. Perhaps it had to do with the cast, all of which were pretty and pretty damn good actors. Heading the cast is Nathan Fillion, one hunk of burning love. Seeing him in this made me giggle because I saw a bit of Richard Castle in Mal Reynolds. Then there was Adam Baldwin who's Jayne Cobb pretty much is Casey from Chuck. Somebody does some method acting, methinks, but I'll forgive him, because I adore Adam Baldwin. Then there's David Krumholtz aka the nerdy guy on Numb3rs to round out the cuteness quotient.

The story was one that would keep any lover of strange sci-fi amused, and even those that aren't that keen. (The eye candy alone makes this a film worth watching)

Mal and his crew of space cowboys (erm...pirates) pick up Simon and his "special" sister River who has psychic ablilities and a little more. After narrowly escaping the Reavers Simon decides he wants to take River and leave the ship "Serenity."

When the ship has landed and Mal is negotiating the pay for their job, River shows up and proceeds to kick some serious ass. If not for her brother showing up and muttering a "safe word," there probably wouldn't have been a soul in the building uninjured.

This outburst allows Alliance to find out where River is and the fun begins in the battle to keep Alliance from taking River.

I really found the movie to be well written and acted. For a movie that has a huge cult "geek" following it really was more entertaining then campy or ridiculous. I really can't fathom why it didn't do better in the box office, except that the show had such a short run that more people didn't know enough to be interested.

If you haven't seen this film yet, and you like quirky Sci-Fi stuff, watch this. Actually if you like that sort of thing, I have to wonder why you haven't seen this movie already.

Movie Review: The Ugly Truth

I admit it. I love romantic comedies, but I have to say I like them more when its more comedy than romance. I also judge what I'm going to like by how the movie critics rate it. If they say it sucks, then I automatically go to see it.

Why?

I like fluff.

I can tell you right now I've only seen one or two movies that have been up for Best Picture Oscar nods. I don't like serious stuff. I like to be amused. So when this came out, and when it starred Gerard Butler, who I happen to think is a a hunk of burning love, I decided I would see it. I didn't get to see it in a theater though, because I almost never make it to the movies.

Last night the DVD got popped into my player and Mom, Raymond and I sat down to watch.

Its a raunchy romp between Butler (Mike Chadaway) and Heigel (Abby Richter). Mike's trying to teach Abby what men want so that Abby can snag the hot doctor that lives next door.

Now we all know what's going to happen there right? Its obvious that that hookup may happen but it won't last, but it doesn't matter what comes between is really hilarious, if you are into sexual humor. Its not crude but it gets pretty close. My 76 year old mother laughed her ass off. We were all on the floor during the scene with the vibrating undies. That was almost as good as the "faked orgasm in the deli" from When Harry Met Sally.

This movie certainly isn't one that I would have paid $10.00 to see in its first weeks of release but its a good Maxi Saver movie or DVD film. Its funny, its cute and it passed the time nicely. If you need a good laugh, this one is worth the rental fees or being part of your Netflix cue.

Movie review: The Wolfman

Nothing says Valentine's Day like a good old-fashioned monster flick, eh? While clusters of people packed into the theater yesterday to see She's Just Not That Into You 2: Holiday Boogaloo, I eagerly awaiting to see what kind of werewolf would be wearing someone else's heart on their sleeve.

Would it be campy? Scary? Dark and broodingly gothic? Batshit crazy? In the end, it ended up being all of these. That, I think is one of the movie's biggest weaknesses. Well, that and making Dr. Gonzo play an English gentleman, but we'll get to that later.

The movie takes place in 1890s England, as werewolves can only be Dickens-era gentry or West Coast teenagers. Lawrence (Benicio del Toro) is an actor who ran away to America after a shady and tragic childhood, only to return after his brother is pureed by a mysterious beast. Racked with guilt and egged on by his brother's fiance, Lawrence runs off to the local gypsy camp to hunt said beastie. He gets in a tangle with it, and pretty soon he's feeling a little weird around the full moon. Meanwhile, his Hannibal Lector Dad is getting creepier and creepier.

First up, the good things. I'm a sucker for visuals, and the filmmakers did a good job; the cinematography and set dressings were spot-on, and the visual effects had the right combo of gore and magic. And of course, Anthony Hopkins was good & icky as Lawrence's dad.

Like I said before, though, the movie was pretty marred by what seems like a case of "too many chefs in the kitchen." The story was a mish-mash of 80+ years worth of werewolf stories, and the film itself was an equal mixed bag of styles. One minute it'd be magically realism sprinkled with special effects, the next minute it'd be surrealism chock full 'o gore. Suddenly it's Greek theater style family drama! Oh, wait, now it's cribbing Sherlock Holmes!

Hell, it couldn't even decide which Universal monster flick to reference. Of course there was the obligatory 40's Wolf Man salute, but I also noticed nods to Dracula, the Spanish Universal Dracula, and even King Kong.

Then there's the matter of the Wolf Man himself. When del Toro was in wolf-mode, he does a kick-ass job. Unfortunately, that's maybe 30 minutes of the movie; when he's Lawrence, it's weak sauce. His performance is pretty stilted and can be fairly distracting during scenes that are supposed to be dramatic and emotional.

It's a decent popcorn movie, and I might've enjoyed it more if I hadn't built it up in my head for four months. It's no horror classic, but it's an okay remedy for all the rom-com overload in the theaters right now.

Final verdict: 6/10

Movie Review: District 9

I was intrigued when District 9 first came out, but like most movies, I never got the chance to actually go see it. This one was tackled one lazy weekend home from college when my dad rented a bunch of movies, & my brother kept talking about how much he loved it & how much he thought I'd like it.

It's one for the sci-fi fans, for sure.

It's set up like a documentary, which seems to be a growing trend. But I think District 9 really nailed this one, because it's quite convincing & has the advantage of putting you right in the middle of the action, & there's quite a bit of that. It kind of loses some of the documentary feel around the middle to the end of the movie, but that's because it shifts more to Wikus' point of view.

Set & filmed in South Africa, the movie is centered around aliens who just kind of show up one day, & government agencies & organizations are set up to accommodate them. District 9 is sort of housing for them, & it's basically a slum. Wikus works for one of the organizations & is sent out one day to convince the aliens to relocate to what is later described by Wikus as a concentration camp. And with that, the movie also becomes a sort of social & political commentary. Funny how sci fi seems to do that so well. Anyway, things get a bit chaotic. Overall, it wasn't quite what I was expecting, but I can't say much else about that without completely ruining the rest of the movie.

But here's what I can say.

Sharlto Copley, who plays Wikus, is seriously freakin' amazing. For starters, his accent is awesome. Beyond that, he's a seriously unbelievable actor, & this was the first movie he'd ever been in, which is completely ridiculous because seriously, I can't say it enough, he blew me away. His character goes through such a range of things & he has to do so much, & Sharlto as an actor pulls it off amazingly. I'm not afraid to go out there & say that this movie wouldn't be as strong as it is without him. Whenever I talk about this movie, I always, without fail, bring up Sharlto.

It's also pretty impressive visually. Every single thing looks real. I believe they tried to use little CGI, but regardless, it never feels like you're watching tons of ridiculous CGI. And where make-up is used, it's also incredibly good. I'm always amazed by the things people can do with prosthetics & some make-up.

It's also pretty action-packed. Plenty of things blowing up, & plenty of graphic violence.

I really liked it, & I definitely highly recommend it. However, try to kind of forget everything you expect from it in the previews, because they don't do it much justice & do little in terms of setting up what actually happens. Expectations might screw this one up. Just jump right into it & enjoy.

And when you have, or if you've already seen it, be sure to check out www.fookinprawns.net. It's full of just little sound clips from the movie, which is awesome because 1) some of them, especially out of the context of the movie, are surprisingly hilarious & 2) Sharlto's bitchin' accent! I could listen to him talk for days. I'm not even kidding.

Where The Wild Things Are

Molly reviewed this film awhile back, but I finally got to see it last night, so I'm chiming in with my 2 cents. OK, maybe 10 cents.

I liked the film. It was cute and terrifying in some parts. It definitely left me thinking. The book, only contained 388 words. That's not even one type written page in Microsoft Works or Word. So crafting a movie out of that had to take some effort and talent, regardless of what those original 388 words led too.

I haven't read the book since I was a child. So I'm taking the film as I saw it. It was enjoyable. It wasn't life changing or particularly profound, but it was good. It definitely would be worth the price of theater admission or the price of a DVD.

The wild things reminded me a bit of The Banana Splits characters meeting HR Puff n Stuff. They were all endearing, including the boy Max, who definitely needed some help. The boy had some anger management issues, that's for sure. I'm thinking that Carol was the embodiment of him as a monster aka Wild Thing, when he ended up Where The Wild Things Are.

The movie is confusing though. You never quite understand where the wild things actually are or how he conveniently got there and back home. And the whole thing with his mom and we assume her boyfriend that went unresolved leaves me with questions.

So yeah, it could have been better. It could have even made sense. It was still entertaining and the Wild Things, even when they were being creepy and violent were cute. There are definitely worse things I could have watched on a cold snowed in Saturday night.

One from the Vaults: Nothing But Trouble

One from the Vaults: Nothing But Trouble

When I lived with my mom, she loved to scour the discount DVD bins at local grocery stores and buy movies based on interesting covers. This is how as a wee teenager I discovered the delightfully weird clusterfuck that is Nothing But Trouble. I don't think I could come up with a better summary than my husband, who said that it was "a cross between Cars and the Rocky Horror Picture Show." But here's a shot, at least.

Chevy Chase is some kind of smarmy financial writer, and Demi Moore is a lawyer. Because Demi Moore is hot, she talks Chevy Chase into driving her to Atlantic City along with two of his clients he dubs the Brazilianaires. All this back story is mostly a MacGuffin and doesn't matter too much to the plot, except that it's fun to say Brazilianaires.

A speeding ticket lands them in the Night Court of the Damned, as an ancient, sadistic Dan Akroyd makes them hot dogs before trying to kill them on a roller coaster that player the Damned Yankees. Then things get weird. Bonus points for an impromptu Digital Underground concert.

I suppose it's hard for me to objectively review this one, because it's a movie I've seen several times and love to pieces. It's dark, it's both consciously and inadvertently funny, its set design is mind-fuggling, and it's one of two movies based on Centralia, PA. Plus Demi Moore is oddly hot in her... hot pants business jumpsuit? (Yeah, you come up with a better description. Here's a picture.)

If you want a different opinion, check out Rotten Tomatoes, where the flick averages 11%. About the only ungushy thing I can say is that you can definitely tell at times that Dan Akroyd wrote the movie, particularly with the awkward pacing that some of the actors use. But mostly, I can just echo the sentiments of an IMDB forum member who said, "Someday when I'm rich, I'm going to have a pickle-shooting condiment train."

Trust me, you won't know what you're watching. Even with repeat viewings, you'll never know what the hell is going on. But at the very least, you can walk away saying you saw Tupac's film debut.

Buy Nothing But Trouble on Amazon

Movie review: A Serious Man (2010)

Movie review: A Serious Man (2010)

A Serious Man is certainly a fitting title for this movie. While there are plenty of awkward laughs and honest laughs, it's definitely not a feel-good popcorn flick. It takes a lot of imagery from the Book of Job, which should give you a hint about the vibe of the movie. And if you think that's a hard enough read, try seeing it on screen with the Coen Bro's brooding, creepy filmmaking flair.

The flick is set in the 60s and revolves around the life of Larry Gopnik. Almost simultaneously, his wife decided to leave him for a friend and an upset student threatens to mess up his upcoming tenure hearing. Meanwhile, his son is trying to outrun the school bully/pot dealer while studying for his Bar Mitzvah. Larry tries to find solace in friends, rabbis, and lawyers, who can't give him the answers he's looking for. As this goes on, he's taking care of his off-kilter brother, who's trying to figure out a mathematical algorithm to unlock the universe. Then things sort of go downhill from there.

Make no mistake, A Serious Man is a serious Coen Brothers movie. If you're expecting kookiness like the Big Lebowski then look elsewhere. The movie has a lot more in common emotionally with Barton Fink and thematically with No Country for Old Men. Like both of those movies (and the lighter O Brother, Where Art Thou), they really set the mood of the era with little details like background props and big ones like the coloration of the film.

The thing I loved most about this film (and all of the Coen's) is the symbolism. Both Larry and his brother were driven crazy by their search for The Big Answer. In a similar vein, it seemed like all the characters that Larry went to for advice were surrounded by stacks of books yet knew nothing. They utilize one of my favorite filmmaking hat tricks, the “pop song as overarching message,” by playing Jefferson Airplane's “Somebody to Love” throughout the film. And this is just a smidgeon. To really dissect the movie would require more than one sitting.

I can't say definitively (because, uh, it's January) but I have a feeling this is going to be at the top of my movie list this year. As much as I love the silly Coen Bros, their serious movies are a magical gut punch that get me thinking for days. That's the caveat with A Serious Man: if you like movies that almost torment your brain as you try to unlock them, then definitely give this a go. If those movies don't interest you or piss you off (especially the latter) then take a big pass on it.

Final verdict: 8/10 (will probably grow with repeat viewings)

One from the Vaults: Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band

One from the Vaults: Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band

So many times naive young indie rockers and pop culture lovers ask themselves, "It's the Beatles, how can you mess it up?" That phrase, kind of like "I'm not racist but..." should automatically signal to you that something is amiss. But even I found myself at age fifteen asking, "This movie can't be as bad as everyone says it is - how can you mess up one of the best albums ever?" Then I watched it and found out exactly how you can mess up one of the best albums ever.

May I present to you a timeless piece of cinematic vomit, 1978's Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. I rewatched it over the weekend and found it to be even worse than I remembered. Sometimes I wonder if the filmmakers asked themselves the above questions, though I think the only question they really asked was, "how much coke can you buy in this town?" (answer: enough to get through a film shoot)

The record Sgt. Pepper's had the Beatles pretending to make a concept album so they could secretly experiment with their sound. Likewise, the movie Sgt. Pepper's had the filmmakers pretending to make a rock opera so they could secretly showcase some bitchin' Beatles covered by the Bee Gees. Yes, friends, that's right, the band portraying the Beatles' alter ego is the Bee Gees and is led by Peter Fucking Frampton. And unlike the Lisa Bonet's cover from High Fidelity, when he sings you're aren't going to "kind of like it now." You're going to wonder what dark personal vendetta Frampton has against the Lennon family.

That alone should be enough of an explanation, but let's try to dive into the plot. The Product Description from Amazon states it a little too coherently for its own good: "SGT. PEPPER'S GRANDSON AND THREE OTHER GUYS FORM A BAND AND FIGHT BAD GUYS.MUSIC FROM THE BEATLES. "

George Burns as Mr. Kite, the town historian, tells the legend of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart Club Band, who singlehandedly conquered both world wars and the great depression through British brass music. After Sgt. Pepper dies, his grandson Billy Shears and three of his buds decide to reform the band and perform in their quaint hometown of Heartland. There's also Billy's stepbrother Dougie, who's bitter because he didn't get breastfed or some shit and I can't tell if he ever figures into the plot again because everyone in the movie looks so fucking whitebread that I can't tell who's who.

Anyway, the band magically gets a record contract and goes to LA, where they promptly get drugged by a record exec and raped by a pop soul band, which everyone in the film's universe seems to find completely a-ok. They forget about that and record a record and get world famous. Meanwhile, Mean Mr. Mustard and his gang of robotic rubber dominatrix ladies, who hate love and music, cruise into Heartland. The band isn't there to protect the town by playing "When the Saints Come Marching in" or "God Save the Queen" so Mr. Mustard steals some magical instruments as commanded by the mysterious FVB via computer and then turns the town into a pinball brothel.

Billy's girlfriend Strawberry Fields runs away to get the band back from LA and save the town. They steal Mr. Mustard's pedovan and drive to beat up Alice Cooper and Steve Martin and then come back to play a concert with Earth Wind and Fire. Then Strawberry gets kidnapped by Mr. Mustard and taken to Aerosmith, who've been pulling the strings the whole time. Strawberry dies in a giant neon gyroscope while Frampton beats up Steven Tyler.

Billy is pretty bummed about his dead girlfriend, so he tries to jump off a roof. But wait! The weathervane that's been watching over the town the whole time turns into Billy Preston and stops him with his magic trumpet! And turns all the bad guys into Catholic religious figures! and reanimates Strawberry! And then a bunch of celebrities join around and sing the reprise from the album.

The reason this is so long and describe the whole plot is to spare you the pain. For the love of God, those are two hours you'll never get back. Sometimes you think it's going to verge into "so bad it's good" territory and you're proven horribly wrong, kind of like getting a staph infection from a flu shot. I understand that the Beatles are hard to tackle despite how many people have tried, but these guys were handed material on a silver fucking platter and decided to use it as toilet paper instead. Steve Martin dresses up as a crazy doctor - almost the same act he'd reprise in Little Shop of Horror with flying colors - and dances around to Maxwell's Silver Hammer and it's still not good.

The thing is, I don't understand why this film is so bad. The Bee Gees don't automatically suck the win out of a film, and on paper this should be a campy romp with some great cameos. But it's not. Sweet sassy molassy, how it's not. So I blame Peter Frampton. Sure, I suppose the casting director is partially to blame for creating a horrific world in which Peter Frampton can triumph over Alice Cooper, but the casting director wasn't the one prancing around in a pink suit and fuggling my brain.

So, in short, this movie is bad. And not the fun kind of bad, more like being given a puppy and then watching being thrown into a woodchipper. It takes the worst elements of the campiest of 70s musicals and shoves them into a film while taking a huge dump on something that should at least be fun if not good.

Movie Review: Meet The Robinsons

Movie Review: Meet The Robinsons

I had heard mixed reviews of this Disney film since it came out which is probably why I hadn't bothered to watch it until today and only because there really wasn't anything else on after we finished up Christmas dinner.

To be perfectly honest, I thought the movie was pretty darn cute. I loved that there weren't too many dark undertones in the film, like so many of the Disney/Pixar movies. Even in the parts with the villain you didn't have a feeling of total doom, which seems to be the case with most of the films Pixar is churning out.

I enjoyed the story of an orphan who helps save the future. His future to be more precise. The other characters had the right mix of quirky and crazy to make the film unique and the story moved quickly enough to keep me interested and not bored.

Sure its not the best Pixar movie out there, but its far from the worst and it was good fun to watch on a Christmas afternoon.

Willy Wonka VS Charlie & The Chocolate Factory

Willy Wonka VS Charlie & The Chocolate Factory

Two very different movies based on the same book with pretty much same characters and yet each film leaves you feeling very different. I grew up with the original, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. I watched it many times growing up, but every time I watched it, I admit I was scared to death.

As much as love the Oompah Loompah's they scared the beejeebus out of me.



In fact, the only thing about Gene Wilder's original that I liked was Pure Imagination. Maybe its me. Maybe I just can't help but love anything Tim Burton and Johnny Depp do. OK, maybe it has to do with a certain Mr. Elfman doing a film score and singing some of the Oompah Loompah songs.

Whatever the case may be, I have to say, I love Charlie and The Chocolate Factory more than Willy Wonka.

What are my reasons?

1. Tim's movie isn't freaking depressing or scary. And it still retains that wonderful Tim Burton strangeness.

2. Pretty colors!

3. Johnny Depp doing his best to be Michael Jackson-esque. Fess up world, you know that's who he modeled his Mr. Wonka after.

4. The Squirrels!

I leave you with more Oompah Loompah singing