Yes, Virginia, you do want a present

Yes, Virginia, you do want a present

In the words of the Peanuts, Christmas time is here, and so is a Christmas-particular problem. Ever have to shop for someone who says, "I don't want anything?" I've got a few people like that in my family, and it drives me bonkers.

There's two subgroups of the No Present People. I can sympathize with the group that's concerned about the consume-o-rama culture and don't want to add more plastic hunks to landfills. But please, at least say, "I don't want a present, but it'd be cool if you donated the money to this charity." Give me something specific to aim for. And for goodness sake, if you say that, please mean it. Don't suggest donating the present money to a charity and then look all sad on Christmas when you don't get an iPod.

Then there's the false modest people who always say, "I don't need anything." Of course, you can't do that. If you actually didn't buy anything, you'd look like a huge asshole to everyone who had, so you're left to scour the mall or internet for something for someone that supposedly likes nothing.

"I don't want anything" is a bs phrase. Everyone wants something. Be more specific. Say "I don't want anymore gadgets, so get me something I'll actually use even if it's not glamorous." Say, "I really don't want you to spend money, so make me something or help me do this." Say, "For the love of God, don't buy me another tie."

But please stop saying, "I don't want anything," because I don't want to take a Christmas Eve trip to Wal-Mart to figure out what you actually do want.