One from the Vaults: Gooby

One from the Vaults: Gooby

The first thing you probably need to know about my movie going habits is that I see five shitty movies for every good movie. Willingly. And even though this was released a few months ago, I'm including it in the Vaults because of its sheer awfulness. Nothing says quality like direct-to-video, and Gooby is the very pinnacle of direct-to-video.

Gooby tells the story of a boy with some serious mental health issues, acknowledged at the first of the film and then conveniently glossed over (giving me the take-home message that childhood onset schizophrenia is outgrown? ). His yuppie parents find the house of the dreams and make the kid move, which sets off the hallucinations and then brings his childhood toy Gooby to life. Gooby is not, in fact, a hallucination, as everyone else in the film can see him. Gooby gets the kid into all kinds of madcap zany bullshit, and his parents learn the lesson of spending time with their family. Or something.

Here's a better outline: a giant orange bear with a Scottish accent runs around and makes weird jokes while Eugene Levy, a sadsack substitute teacher and failed kids' author, tries to photograph him and the world's most self-aborbed parents have some vague yuppie job and don't notice their kid going out at night or being sent to the hospital. (In one scene, the kid pretends to throw up on the dinner table to cover for Gooby making noise upstairs, and the parents' only reaction is to move the Chinese food out of the way. Not, "Shit, my kid is sick," but "please don't party foul on our moo goo gai pan.")

Like most of these weird direct-to-video kids movies, most of the hilarity is unintentional, so bad it's good. The long shots, the awkward lines, the creepy adults, the misplaced CGI and green screen. It's worth the cost of renting it if only for (1) the nanny that looks like Iggy Pop and (2) the scene in which Gooby terrorizes an 11 year old bully in a hot dog costume so much the bully pisses himself, and then Gooby utters in simple, childlike amazement, "Look, Willy, the hot dog peed!"

Honest to blog this is a real movie. For the longest time I thought it was a clip from Tim and Eric, but I promise you that this movie exists in 99 minutes worth of gut-wrenching glory. I honestly don't expect you to believe me, so here's a link to the Gooby trailer. May God have mercy on your soul.

true masochists can buy Gooby on Amazon